Day 21: A joyfully rough day.

Can I be honest with you for a second? Ok, good. Today sucked. I cried twice at work and twice at small group. My head hurts from all the stress and anxiety that has consumed my daily well-being. My eyes are being drawn closed because of how exhausted, both physically and mentally, I am. Today, it was SO hard to be thankful.

It was hard to look at my work and feel blessed to have a job. It was hard to look at my co-workers and encourage them in their pursuits. It was hard to look at my computer screen feeling like the batch of emails would never end. It was really, really difficult to be thankful. I dug and dug and dug to find something I am thankful for today’s post, but I didn’t want to lie to everyone so I stopped thinking about it.

But then it hit me.

Today, my montra was “today, i choose joy. today, i choose joy. today, i choose joy.” I knew I had to tell myself this all day (and that I did) because otherwise I don’t know if my little, stressful heart would make it. But I did figure out what I’m thankful for.

I am most thankful that I have the choice to choose joy. Jesus died on the Cross to free me from sin and to bring me and this earth joy. God is a God of joy. Over the last year, I’ve learn a lot of hard lessons on joy, and being joyful in all circumstances. These lessons, as hard as they were, were signs that God wants me to understand that happiness and joy are NOT the same thing. Things can be really crappy at work, yet I can still choose to focus on the joy of my heart, Jesus, to make the situation more manageable. Joy comes in all shapes and sizes, and even when it seems like it’s fleeting, it’s actually not. It’s just God giving me a chance to chose joy or not.

I’ve found over and over again, the hard but right choice is joy, is Jesus. For that, I’m thankful.

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