You Are Enough

Lately, I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed. After the whirlwind of graduation weekend, my friend leaving the country a day later, and a busy last weekend, I thought I was entering that eery clam that we get after a really big storm rushes through. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. I’m working full-time at the U and taking a class. I have been hanging out with friends, doing church things, and finally getting some sleep (which was needed-so needed). There’s only one problem though, I am feeling overwhelmed, actually more than that, I’ve been feeling apathetic toward doing the one thing that I need to get done: support-raising.

Next year, I will be interning at Hope Community Church’s Leadership Development Institute. In order to do ministry work next year, I need to support-raise and essentially find individuals and families to partner with me in prayer and finances in order to make next year work. This terrifies me and I haven’t even started to support-raise yet. I guess I might be scared to start because I’m scared of rejection, of people saying ‘no, i don’t support you’. Maybe I haven’t started because the last thing I want to do is write a letter, put myself out there, and become the vulnerable human-being that I’ve tried to hide from the majority of my Christian life. Is my heart not in it? Surely LDI is what I’m suppose to do next year. God has given me sign after sign and feeling after feeling, but my empty heart and apathetic soul are what I’m left with. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I know something isn’t right with me and the Lord. I’m frustrated.

Now I know the logical thing to do is to turn to scripture and prayer, right? Right. But with where my heart is right now, that’s the last thing that I want to do. I don’t want God to teach me a lesson (which is probably what He’ll do). I don’t want to be convicted by His word (which is probably what will happen). I don’t want to hurt, but I’ve learned over the past few months that in order for change to happen, I need to hurt. I need to be broken and I need to trust that the Lord can piece me back together. I need to trust that the Lord will provide for me this summer, next year, and all the days of my life.

The bottom line is that I need to trust that God is enough for me. This is probably why I was called to do LDI next year.

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2 thoughts on “You Are Enough

  1. Kari,

    Firstly- love following your blog! Helps me keep on track when we’ll be miles away. You are a fab writer!!!

    Secondly- I have no, no, no tolerance for FEAR. For fear of the unknown, for fear you will fail, for fear that overwhelms you so much you back out on your dreams/hopes/desires. You were created and have a purpose on this earth and it is your job to overcome that ( remember, purpose is not always easy to pursue, but worth the fight) and say “yes”, I can do this. Focus on the small pieces, and the larger pieces will fall together. I have no idea what this next step of my life will have, except that it will be what my attitude is towards it- – if you are living in FEAR, you will feel, experience, and breath fear. Don’t let it consume you! You are an amazingly talented young woman and know you can do this!!!

    Love, Emily

  2. Kari, Thank you for your honesty- for putting to words what so many of us also feel at times. I’m so excited for what is ahead of you and right now am praying for you to feel God (gently) come with his comfort and joy to break through the feelings of being overwhelmed and apathetic. He is SO faithful, and I know he totally understands what you are feeling and is working for your GOOD. Love you! Can’t wait for some great times this summer!

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